Suffering Mothers

My heart aches for every struggling mother…

I ache for the mom who had to put aside her dreams for her children.

For the single-mom who is sick of her daughter, watching her cry; as she goes to work, pays bills, changes dirty diapers, wipes runny noses, and cooks meals, all with no help!

Continue reading “Suffering Mothers”

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To Women

Women are so strong in the midst of our own weakness….

I reblogged this post because of the truth within it. Anytime I reblog a post, I normally have a long message that I deliver with it, but this post speaks for itself.

TO EVERY WOMAN AND GIRL, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, TALENTED, INTELLIGENT, VALUED, AND LOVED.

-Pinkspen

Some Bad Plankton

I’ve spent longer watching myself smile in the mirror than I’ve spent laughing with friends.

Has your mother accused you of scratching yourself because of the stretch marks on your breasts?

To the women who wipe it away with alcohol. I understand. I’m here if you need me.

Don’t qualify your statements when you speak. You’ve a right to be heard. Have something worth saying. I want to hear it.

To the women I’ve let down. I’m sorry. Tell me please, so I can get better.

Who fall in love with the cashier at Dunkin’ Donuts because he has a sexy voice and he kept my extra penny.

I’ve never seen a healthy relationship. What would I expect from my own?

Who have tried to turn over one-sided mattresses by themselves.

Who have hair on their bellies longer than the hair on their legs.

Who have used the same pair…

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5 Greatest Things about Toddlers

Being a new mom is a journey! 💋 It is a weight gaining, energy lowering, tears shedding, and yet, a beautiful and joyful journey.

My daughter is my first and only, and at 18 months or 1.5 years old, I am realizing that this is the age I am going to miss with her; the age right before the terrible-two’s. 

Continue reading “5 Greatest Things about Toddlers”

Facts of Life 

Historically men were always treated as more important than women and children. 

I am not going to do a breakdown of how race, ethnicity, social class, age, and religion tie into this, but in most cultures, men are dominant, in control, and considered to be more important. 

Although, great strides have been made, with Women’s Rights/Feminism and Child Abuse Protection Laws, the historical foundation of putting men before women and children, still affects us today when it comes to gender roles, wage gaps, and the rates of children who are abused, neglected, and living in poverty.

Here is a brief history from History Magazine, on how taking a bath was considered a privilege, and men received the benefit of that privilege:

Continue reading “Facts of Life “

#BlackLivesMatter: pro-life/pro-choice

I read a post Black Lives Matter by an anti-abortion blogger.

As a black mother, of course the title caught my eye, but it was the statement that started my journey to a greater knowledge.

Original statement: “Four out of ten black children are killed in the womb. Black lives matter?

Continue reading “#BlackLivesMatter: pro-life/pro-choice”

Is ‘Equality’ taking the ‘Lady’ out of Women Today?

It is extremely difficult to be a modern woman. The financial demands alone, have made it almost impossible to be a stay-at-home mom, because if most of us didn’t work, we would be considered low-income. As a fairly new mother myself, who struggled financially due to the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) and the required amount of unpaid Maternity Leave women can get when pregnant or after delivery of their child, I know what it is like to struggle financially.

Please check out my post MATERNITY LEAVE IN AMERICA: THE STORY OF THE STRUGGLING MOTHER

There was no way I could be financially stable and be a stay-at-home mother. I feel that all women have the right to work and take care of their families, but sometimes I wonder if I was neglecting my child by putting her in childcare at 9 months, or if she would be “more balanced… happier if we had followed a traditional family situation.”

-Pinkspen

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shells-shizzle-lady

I ask this question to cause thought and prompt responses from you dear readers for my own pondering ………

I’ve recently been considering “what makes a woman a lady?”

I’ve reached that phase of life where I could become a grandma at any time and that has reminded of my own Grandma and Nanna, who they were and what they stood for.

Both women were beautiful, elegant, kind, loving, well spoken, well dressed, to a degree ….God fearing and most definitely, both were true ladies. Both women taught me practical life skills and spiritual lessons. They had the classic traits, I would say, of real ladies.

They came from a different era though, their only concern was to keep a good home for their families and attend to their working husbands. Once married these women did not work outside the home any longer. Their work then involved house chores…

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The most difficult part of being a mother

As a new mother, I am often asked, “how do you like being a mother?” I think that is a strange question to ask someone… If I said, “I hate it!” everyone would think I was the worst person. Right? 😉 but typically, the answers are:

“I love it!”

“It is the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“…it is a challenge but I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

But, the other day, someone asked me, what I feel was the most difficult question regarding motherhood.

“What is the most difficult part of being a mother?” 

(what a question…)

I stopped, thought about it…and there were so many things that came to mind like:

teaching my daugther to latch…

pumping late at night so my breast don’t become engorged…

getting my daugther to fall asleep without nursing…

teaching my daugther not to bite the teet…

vaxinations…

waking up on the hour to feed…

always being tired…

the selflessness…

Although, all challenging, were not the most difficult parts of being a mother.

The most challenging part of being a mother, and I know most mothers would agree is learning to let go!

Letting go of your children is the challenge because it happens almost immediately.

Allow your child cry themselves to sleep so that they are not sleeping in your bed until they are 5, is letting them go…

When they crawl, walk, climb stairs, try to get off the couch and the bed on their own, is a part of letting them go and explore the world around them…

Being a parent is constantly letting your child go because from they day they are born, they are getting older, and it never stops. Children grow up, and that is the most difficult part about being a parent; you have to let them go, be, learn, see, and experience life. Every parent wants and misses when their child needed them for everything. My daughter is 13 months, and I miss it already. I can’t even wrap my head around her first day of school, first sleepover, first adult tooth, first relationship, her first kiss, her first breakup; when she gets married, her first child…

…from the day a child is born, you are letting them go, and its the hardest thing that I have ever done.

 -Pinkspen

via Discover Challenge: Tough Questions

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a Mothers Deepest Fear…

“Do me one better!” That’s what my mother would say.

As a new parent, I understand the desire to do better for your children. You want to give them more than you had growing up and you want them to desire more for themselves as well.

Outside of the material fancies of the world, I believe parents also want their children to be everything that they were not when they were at their worst and to reverse all of their mistakes through their children, especially when it comes to intimate relationships.

The term smother as defined in the Urban Dictionary is, “a mother or overbearing girlfriend that smothers their adult child/boyfriend with too much love…”

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Smother

We all know those mothers who live vicariously through their daughters’ relationships, education, career choices, and social status. Daughters with smothers are bombarded with overprotective, judgmental, and extremely pushy behaviors when it comes to their life choices concerning love and relationships.

A smother feels that her daughters mate must looks, dress, behave, and maintain a certain social status, based on her standards, not her daughters.

I have friends with smothers, and often times, it causes them to seek an unhealthy perfection in men. It seems to also cause resentment toward their mother if they feel like they can’t meet a certain standard or expectation.

I believe that this behavior goes beyond the basic desire for a daughter to be better than her mother. The mother that is considered to be a smother, is given this title due to her deepest fear, herself.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. You’re playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” -Marianne Williamson, from her book, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of a Course in Miracles.

http://skdesigns.com/internet/articles/quotes/williamson/our_deepest_fear/

This was a quote that my mother had framed for all three of her daughters, and I make sure that it is hanging up in my house.

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When a woman becomes a mom, often times, she immediately becomes her best self, because she wants to be the best parent she can be.

Every family has generational curses, and if there is a history of infidelity, teenage pregnancy, or single-parenting in your family, it is only natural to fear that your daughter will struggle with these concerns as well. A mother wants her child to emulate her best behaviors, not her worst.

This may cause mothers to place high expectations and standards onto their daughters, and when the expectation is not met, a mother is faced with her deepest fear, seeing her true self in her daughter. Those mothers who have not forgiven themselves can become smothers and are projecting their own personal fears onto their daughters.

As a mother of a two month old baby girl, I find myself thinking about all the bad choices and decisions I have made in my journey towards LADYHOOD

I think it is a realistic feeling to have fears that my daughter will make the same mistakes with men that I made. But, before I was a mother, I was a daughter, and it is important for me to remember who I was before I became a parent. Even though my mother taught me to always do her one better, I am certain that I made some of the bad choices she made, and more.

As a daughter, with a daughter, it is important for me to teach her about the mistakes I made in my relationships but to also understand that she may make similar mistakes as she gets older.

Mothers, do not fear seeing yourself in your daughter! You will, because she is a part of you. The more you smother her, the more difficult it will be to break those generational curses.

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I desire so much for my daughter. I want her to see her value in life; to know that she is beautiful, talented, intelligent, and imperfect just like all of humankind. I want her to see me constantly trying to reach my goals so that she will see that she can obtain her own. I want her to embrace when she makes a mistake and when she succeeds. All lessons, are lessons learned, and even if she hits a barrier, I want her to be confident enough to create new ones.

When it comes to relationships, I want my daughter to know that she is worth the wait, and that no man is worth compromising her morals and values.

Even in my mistakes, my mother always uplifted me; a mother is always there to support her child. I always felt inspired and empowered by her, and this is the kind of mother that I want to be, not a smother. Forgiving myself for the mistakes that I made with men was the difficult part in my journey toward LADYHOOD. When it comes to motherhood, I know that I am not perfect; we all fall short, make mistakes, and struggle in our imperfections, and my daughter will to.

Just like my mother, I will be there to support my daughter along her LADYHOOD journey as well.

-Pinkspen


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