I have been published!!! 

PLEASE VIEW LINK!

Hello to my fellow bloggers and to the 400+ followers who have taken the time to check out my blog, keep in touch, and support my dreams….

College Mate has published my article “Decoding the Bro Code: One Night Stand or Long Term Girlfriend?” for their March Monthly Writing Contest (please go to COLLEGE MATE to learn more).

Continue reading “I have been published!!! “

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Decoding the Bro Code: One Night Stand or Long-term Girlfriend?

I am overjoyed about COLLEGE MATE publishing my article for their March Monthly Writing Contest.

Please check out my article, Like, Share, Comment, Re-blog!!!!!
I seek to uplift, empower, and challenge women to be the best versions of themselves. 

College life is difficult for relationships and helping college freshman females to navigate through the differences between a FWB or a real intimate relationship, is my goal!

These are the signs to look out for if a guy just wants you as a Friend With Benefits…

COLLEGE MATE

I started college with big expectations of college guys. Most of those expectations were based on what I knew about high school boys; and college boys were supposed to be even better! I fully expected to find my college sweetheart, and live “happily ever after”.

Instead, what I found was that most college guys had one goal: to get you in bed. They would use every pick-up line, and give every compliment, just to trick you into  dropping by their dorm room to “watch a movie.” 

I found myself repeating this cycle until one day, I had to face the truth. I cried as I looked at myself in the mirror, and realized I was still single and lonely. I wanted a boyfriend, not casual sex.

Ladies, don’t be fooled, as I was. As freshman females, you are the fresh meat on a college campus.

College guys love to check out the new…

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College 101 for Freshman Females

University College of the World
College 101 for Freshman Females
Fall-Spring 2016-2017, LIFE 12345, 67890
M/T/W/Th/F/S/Sun 12:00a-11:59p
4 credits

Instructor: Ms. Pinkspen, MSW
Office Hours: M/T/W/Th/F/S/Sun 12:00a-11:59p
Contact: ladyhoodjourney.com

Welcome & Introduction:
Welcome to College 101 for Freshman Females. I am your instructor, Pinkspen. We will begin this course together where we will work together to prevent the most common mistakes that freshman females make when it comes to various forms of relationships on a college campus. This class is for freshman girls in college, “upper-classwomen” (Pinkspen), and high school girls who will someday graduate and be shipped off to a world that I wish someone prepared me for. Enroll in this course today!

Continue reading “College 101 for Freshman Females”

Guys want your “goodies”

College 101 for Freshman Females 

From one college girl to another…

After you graduate, whether from your Undergraduate, Master’s, or both degrees like myself, you will still think about how foolish you were where relationships are concerned. 

I spent 8 years living on one college campus, first in the dorms and then off-campus in multiple apartments, and there are some things that I wish I would have known before I made simple and some major mistakes…

This is the first post of a list of rules that I plan to disclose to girls who are graduating from High School and are planning to live in college dorms, for Freshman girls already living on or off campus, and for those upperclassmen who are trapped in various relationships with guys on a college campus and don’t know how they got there.

Rule #1: Most men want your “goodies” and they will say or do anything to get it!!!!!!

I remember the first day of classes… In the middle of campus was the Student Union that hosted the main cafeteria. It was a large building of intimidation, filled with students entering and exiting in between classes. I decided to get food. As I walked into the Union, having no idea of where I was going, I decided to follow the students in front of me. As I walked up the stairwell, I see 10-15 upperclassmen sitting in booths and chairs at the top landing, and as every attractive female walked past, they would shout of various forms of flattery to guarantee her attention. 

A few girls would walk over to them and some would just smile and continue to other floors. When I reached the landing, I was greeted with the same form of flattery…I couldn’t help but smile but I continued to the cafe.

At the time, I had just turned 18, and the first month as a college freshman was filled with attention from guys. What started out with guys asking for my number, turned into “oooo girl what I got to do to get that?”

What I came to realize is that it didn’t take much. What I wish I would have been told is how good it would feel to have college guys admire my honey eyes, big butt and full figure.

We as women know all about the lines that men use to get our attention, what no one says is how to ignore this attention.

It is difficult because compliments feel so good to hear, and since all women have some form of insecurity, knowing the difference between a genuine compliment from a guy who really likes you, as opposed to the guy who just wants to “smash” or “hit that,” can be difficult.

Here is the Secret:

The secret to prevent falling for the flattery and compliments is understanding that most guys are doing and saying the same thing to every other girl on campus.

The guy that really wants to be with you, will not shout you out in front of all his friends because he wants you to himself.

He won’t tell anyone except his best friend about you.

No matter what, because you are a woman, you are special and you do not need a man to tell you or make you feel that you are.

Don’t fall for the words, wait for the actions.

-Pinkspen

Please visit College 101 for Freshman Females for the full list of rules. 

 

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Featured Image Source: StockSnap.io

Have Self-Control over who you let in your bed…

College 101 for Freshman Females 

I have spent a lot of time wishing that I had more self-control when I was in college…

Women love to declare our desire to live our lives the way we want to. We all say it, and even songs proclaim us to be women who are in control of our own lives…

“Who run the world? Girls!” -Beyoncé Knowles

“I am superwoman, yes I am” -Alicia Keys

“all the woman who independent, throw your hands up at me” – Destiny’s Child

“R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me” -Aretha Franklin

“I came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive. I came to win, to survive, to prosper, to rise, to fly.”  Nicki Minaj ft. Rihanna

I feel that this proclamation of control is a myth  considering what we give in to with guys…

We need to have control over ourselves and who we allow in our beds.

I am not alone when I say that I have let some men have, not only my heart, but my body as well, even when there was nothing about him that deserved either.

Yeah, he had a flawless smile, with eyes that would literally make your panties drop, and he spoke the words that any girl who was a little heartbroken, lonely, in love with the attention (let’s be honest), and with a little alcohol in her system, would fall for.

We have the right to give in to our basic humanistic urges but, often times, we wake up the next morning feeling a lack of satisfaction, emptiness, and regret.

Self-control in intimate relationships, can alter the way you a treated, even in a friends with benefits relationships, and I realize this now.

Rule #14: HAVE SELF-CONTROL OVER WHO YOU LET IN YOUR BED! Do not have a sleep over just to have some company!

When it comes to our sexuality, we as women have a lot of power that we are unaware of…

Often times, if a guy calls a girl to get some, he is more likely to be turned down, then if a girl calls a guy to get some…most guys would reply with a resounding YES!

And yet, the way we take care of our intimacy tends to be filled with our need to not be alone… (most females will never admit this).

I know that some will read this and think, men do this all the time, and we as women should be able to have a one-night-stand just like they can. This is true, but overtime, in most cases, we become attached because it is difficult not to fall for someone you are sleeping with! (real talk)

What Aretha Franklin, Beyoncé, Nicki Minaj and Alicia Keys sing/rap about, is to demand respect, have self-control, and know what we want as women.

In this male dominated society, men have the upper hand culturally. There has yet to be a female President, for example. Men like James Brown who sang, “this is a mans world…” knew that that men would not allow women to control society, due to the typical male ego. But, he then proclaimed “but it wouldn’t be nothing, nothing, without a woman or a girl,” because he also knew that women are the driven factor for men to have the control that they do.

Why else do men drive fast cars…?

Wear the best clothing…?

Get their hair cut, or even take a shower…? They do it all for women.

And we do the same thing as women. We are all trying to be noticed, accepted, and appreciated…to fit in.

 

But, men and women are not the same, we are different and our differences need to be viewed equally.

There are things that women can do, that men can’t… like, give birth to a child!

There are things that men can do, that women can’t… like, have a friends with benefits relationship overtime, without becoming emotionally attached!

 

So,take control of what is not easily controlled, but can be, which is ultimately protecting your heart, feelings, and emotions! Protect yourself as a woman, including the most intimate part of you!

Stop letting men say anything to you!

You are a queen and should be treated as such, but you have to treat yourself like a queen first.

Stop letting men take you to their beds before they show you your worth to them; most men will say and do anything to get in those jeans.

Demand chivalry, and you will get it.

Gaining true control over who we allow in our beds is a battle within the individual and easier said than done. It took years for me to understand and adapt into my new thought process.

My lack of understanding, my self-worth, and self-love, held me back in my relationships, but it shaped who I am and made me a better woman.

-Pinkspen

 Please visit College 101 for Freshman Females for the full list of rules. 

 

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Featured Image Source: StockSnap.io

 

The Rulebook for College Freshman Females

Going to college was one of the best and interesting experiences of my life; I learned so much about myself and I learned many lessons about men and relationships…

Most individuals go to college to get a degree of some sort, but in the back of everyone’s mind, we all have the desire for other things like freedom, new experiences, meeting new people, making new friendships, dating, and of course going to parties.

For freshman girls, dating and going to parties is a major part of our college experience and for that first semester you are the “fresh meat” or the hottest thing on campus because no one has had your goodies and everyone wants to see who can “hit it” first.

With this, please read the following before you get too drunk and run into the starting quarterback on the football team:

  1. Most men want your “goodies” and they will say or do anything to get it!!!!!!

  2. If and when someone gives you attention by touching, giving compliments, flirting etc. see how long it takes, (without having sex), for the flirting, touching and compliments to stop.

  3. When a male is flirting, touching, and complimenting you, it will feel good. Of course he is doing this; you are beautiful, sexy, confident, and worth touching. But, know that he is saying the same things to probably about 10 other females if he is not trying to make it official.

  4. When someone wants to be in a relationship with you, they will make it happen. Men are hunters and they know what they want. This is the same for same-sex relationship. Whoever is hunting, hunts for a reason. This could be sexual or for intimacy.

  5. Don’t have sex with anyone if the only meal you have had together is in the Student Union on campus.

  6. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH MULTIPLE MALES ON THE SAME TEAM. FOR EXAMPLE: FOOTBALL, BASKETBALL, BASEBALL, SOCCER, GOLF, even Intramural sports teams. THIS ALSO MEANS DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH FRIENDS FROM THE SAME GROUP.(Just because you have not seen two males hanging together, does not mean that they are not friends so be careful!)

  7. If he asks you to come over and watch a movie at 10:00p or later, DO NOT GO!

  8. It is okay to be single, you do not need a relationship. Just have fun with friends.

  9. If your friend slept with him, don’t sleep with him. If your enemy slept with him, don’t sleep with him.

  10. Most females think that they can handle the friends-with-benefits relationship mainly because the male suggests it, but most cannot; be honest with yourself. If you catch feelings, tell him and if he does not feel the same, pull out of the relationship immediately!

  11. Don’t spend so much time with your significant other that you stop spending time with your friends. You have to find the balance.

  12. If you want love and a relationship, you cannot have sex  right away; you have to make them work for it. If you don’t, they will not only treat you like you are every other female.

  13. USE CONDOMS OR ANOTHER FORM OF CONTRACEPTION, INCLUDING GETTING TESTED FOR STI’s, STD’s, AND HIV/AIDS, if you are sexually active.

  14. HAVE SELF-CONTROL OVER WHO YOU LET IN YOUR BED! Do not have a sleep over just to have some company!

  15. Be a mystery! People love to gossip, especially guys…don’t allow yourself to be the hottest discussion topic.

-Pinkspen

Please visit College 101 for Freshman Females to enroll in this course today!

 

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Featured Image Source: StockSnap.io