How to Maintain a Happy Long Distance Relationship

My article How to Maintain a Happy Long Distance Relationship has been published on College Mate by Alexis Chateau, PR !!!!

Maintaining a LRD can be difficult and college life does not make that any easier. Learning ways to keep the spark when you are miles away from each other is possible, despite the odds.

Please view the original post to support me and learn ways to maintain your relationship, long distance.

I love and appreciate all of you fellow bloggers and readers; hopefully you will provide me with your feedback on the original post! Looking forward to talking to you about your LDRs. 

-Pinkspen

COLLEGE MATE

Relationships are tough; adding distance to the mix doesn’t make them any easier. It’s hard enough to trust the partner you live with. Imagine trusting the one who lives a world away.

Because of this, some may say that long distance relationships don’t work. But the truth is, all relationships take effort. Some just take a little more than others.

Are you dating someone who is already in college? Is your significant other not going to college, but you are? Are you and your high school sweetheart going to different colleges?

If so, here are four ways to maintain a happy relationship while you’re apart.

Communication is Key

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It’s not always easy to keep up with everything that goes on in each other’s lives, but making the time to talk without distraction is an important part of making it work.

This doesn’t have to mean talking on the phone multiple times…

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I have been published!!! 

PLEASE VIEW LINK!

Hello to my fellow bloggers and to the 400+ followers who have taken the time to check out my blog, keep in touch, and support my dreams….

College Mate has published my article “Decoding the Bro Code: One Night Stand or Long Term Girlfriend?” for their March Monthly Writing Contest (please go to COLLEGE MATE to learn more).

Continue reading “I have been published!!! “ →

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Decoding the Bro Code: One Night Stand or Long-term Girlfriend?

I am overjoyed about COLLEGE MATE publishing my article for their March Monthly Writing Contest.

Please check out my article, Like, Share, Comment, Re-blog!!!!!
I seek to uplift, empower, and challenge women to be the best versions of themselves. 

College life is difficult for relationships and helping college freshman females to navigate through the differences between a FWB or a real intimate relationship, is my goal!

These are the signs to look out for if a guy just wants you as a Friend With Benefits…

COLLEGE MATE

I started college with big expectations of college guys. Most of those expectations were based on what I knew about high school boys; and college boys were supposed to be even better! I fully expected to find my college sweetheart, and live “happily ever after”.

Instead, what I found was that most college guys had one goal: to get you in bed. They would use every pick-up line, and give every compliment, just to trick you into  dropping by their dorm room to “watch a movie.” 

I found myself repeating this cycle until one day, I had to face the truth. I cried as I looked at myself in the mirror, and realized I was still single and lonely. I wanted a boyfriend, not casual sex.

Ladies, don’t be fooled, as I was. As freshman females, you are the fresh meat on a college campus.

College guys love to check out the new…

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Have Control over Who You Let in Your Bed

The College Girl Dating Rulebook

Rule #14: HAVE CONTROL OVER WHO YOU LET IN YOUR BED! Do not have a sleep-over just to have some company!

I have spent a lot of time wishing that I had more self-control when I was in college…

Women love to declare our desire to live our lives the way we want to. We all say it, and even songs proclaim us to be women who are in control of our own lives…

“Who run the world? Girls!” -Beyoncé Knowles

“I am superwoman, yes I am” -Alicia Keys

“all the woman who independent, throw your hands up at me” – Destiny’s Child

“R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me” -Aretha Franklin 

“I came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive. I came to win, to survive, to prosper, to rise, to fly.”  Nicki Minaj ft. Rihanna

I feel that this proclamation of control is a myth, when you consider what we feel after we give in to the FWB relationship. 

What Aretha Franklin, Beyoncé, Nicki Minaj and Alicia Keys sing/rap about, is to demand respect, have self-control, and know what we want. 
I know that some will read this and think, men do this all the time, and we as women should be able to have a one-night-stand or a FWB just like they can. This is true, but in most cases, as women, we become attached because it is difficult not to fall for someone you are sleeping with! 
Friends with Benefits in College

During my freshman year,  I let guys in my bed and my heart, even though the only meal we had together was in the Student Union on campus. 

Yeah, he had a flawless smile, eyes that would make your panties drop, and he spoke the words or spit game that any girl who was a little heartbroken or lonely, would melt to hear.
I loved love the attention, and let’s be honest, with a little alcohol in my system, the game was easy to fall for.

What I didn’t realize was that even though we have the right to have one-night-stands and friends-with-benefits, often times, we wake up the next morning feeling a lack of satisfaction, emptiness, and regret.
I had a few friends-with-benefits or FWBs and although I don’t regret it because even though I had to learn the hard way, it taught me what I really wanted out of a relationship. 

Can you Handle the terms of a FWB?

Even though I was not the type of girl that could handle having a FWB, there were some girls on campus that could for an extended period of time, but it never lasts…someone always wants more. 

In any relationship, the first step is knowing what you want. 

If you want a FWB, you need to know what you are asking for:

  • Limited conversation.
  • No dates.
  • Late night calls.
  • No PDA. 
  • No ties. 

Getting calls late a night to hook up and then being asked to leave after…can you handle it?

Being overlooked in public…can you handle it?

Taking the walk-of-shame the next morning, with makeup schmered and panties in your purse…can you handle it?

If this is what you want, cool, if not, steer clear from the guy who only wants to get you in his bed. But how?

Ignoring the Attention

Having self-control is so important in dating because you have a standard that you are unwilling to dismiss. 

As I stated prior, I loved the attention I got from college guys. During your first year as a freshman, you get most attention compared than upper-classwomen. It can be difficult to ignore this level attention. 

Who we allow in our beds tends to be based on our need to not be alone… (most females will never admit this).

In this male dominated society, men have the upper hand culturally. There has yet to be a female President, for example. Men like James Brown who sang, “this is a mans world…” knew that that men would not allow women to control society, due to the typical male ego. But, he then proclaimed “but it wouldn’t be nothing, nothing, without a woman or a girl,” because he also knew that women have the ultimate power in a relationship… the vagina. 

For example, most often, if a guy calls a girl to get some, he is more likely to be turned down, than if a girl calls a guy to get some…most guys would reply with a resounding YES!

Why else do men drive fast cars, wear the best clothing, get their hair cut, or even take a shower? They do it all to get our attention. 

Most guys will go above and beyond to get you in their bed. They will give you all the attention you can handle and say just about anything to ensure that you sleep with them. 

Girls do the same thing. We are all just trying to be noticed. Booty shorts, low cut tops, short skirts, heels, crop tops….do we wear these for ourselves or for guys? 

If you want a real relationship, don’t fall for the game. That is all it is, game. If a guy wants more than just to get you in his bed, he will give you more than just attention:

  • He will call you at odd hours.
  • He will ask you about your dreams.
  • He will claim you to his friends.
  • He will walk around campus with you. 
  • He will take you out on a date, off campus.
  • He will proclaim that he wants a girlfriend. 

We all love attention, but men and women are not the same, we are different, and our differences need to be viewed equally.

There are things that most men can do, that many women can’t, like be in a FWB relationship, without becoming emotionally attached. 

There is nothing wrong with wanting more in a relationship, but you cannot try to turn a FWB into a real relationship, it doesn’t work.

Know your worth

Know what you want in a relationship, this is how you determine your worth. If you know what you want, you know who you are. 

Spreading your legs all over campus because you want company, is not knowing your worth. You are just filling a void with bodies.  

Take control of what is not easily controlled by protecting your heart, feelings, and emotions! Protect yourself as a woman, including the most intimate part of you, your vagina. 

  • Stop falling for the game.
  • Treat yourself like the queen you are.
  • Stop letting men take you to their beds without knowing what you want.
  • Demand chivalry, and you will get it.
  • Fall in love with yourself.

Gaining true control over who we allow in our beds is a battle within the individual and easier said than done. It took years for me to understand and adapt into my new thought process.

My lack of understanding, my self-worth and self-love, held me back in my college relationships, but it shaped who I am and made me a better woman.

-Pinkspen

Please visit College 101 for Freshman Females to read the list of rules for dating in college!


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College 101 for Freshman Females

University College of the World
College 101 for Freshman Females
Fall-Spring 2016-2017, LIFE 12345, 67890
M/T/W/Th/F/S/Sun 12:00a-11:59p
4 credits

Instructor: Ms. Pinkspen, MSW
Office Hours: M/T/W/Th/F/S/Sun 12:00a-11:59p
Contact: ladyhoodjourney.com

Welcome & Introduction:
Welcome to College 101 for Freshman Females. I am your instructor, Pinkspen. We will begin this course together where we will work together to prevent the most common mistakes that freshman females make when it comes to various forms of relationships on a college campus. This class is for freshman girls in college, “upper-classwomen” (Pinkspen), and high school girls who will someday graduate and be shipped off to a world that I wish someone prepared me for. Enroll in this course today!

Continue reading “College 101 for Freshman Females” →

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All the Single Ladies…

“I need to be in a relationship.”

Every time someone says these words, it just shows that “a relationship” is the last thing they need… (don’t get mad, just listen)

In 2007, I graduated high school. I was in a relationship that was slowly falling apart. I remember being at a welcome event on campus in the gymnasium with my friends. We were seated in the middle of about 60 rows of seats. I turned around, and there was this guy walking in late at the back of the room and I honestly just stared at him. Later on that day, there was a meet-and-greet for the Black Student Union on campus, and I saw him sitting outside in the quad with another freshman female. They were sitting really close together, so I assumed they were involved in some way. I continued to mingle and get to know students on campus at the event. Somehow, he ended up standing next to me as I stood in a group of friends, talking, so of course I said hello. We exchanged pleasantries, and after talking and laughing for a bit, I could tell he was interested but I didn’t forget that he was just all “booed up” with another girl a few minutes ago and I was in a relationship. Over the course of the next few weeks, I continued to see him. He would be outside of the Student Union on campus, at the gas station; I would see him driving his car, walking down the street, at the gym; he was everywhere. My boyfriend and I were not in a good place. I was young, and I needed a drama free life, so our relationship ended.  Now that I was single for the first time on a college campus I wanted to enjoy that life. I went out with my girls and went to every house party I could. One night, while at a party, as I danced in a circle with my girls, I saw him standing in the corner with his boys and I got super bold and walked over to him and we conversed for a while. The party ended with the police shutting it down, and of course, there he was to save my life. He drove me back to my dorm and we exchanged numbers. I had never expected a relationship of any kind, because I was trying to be single, but overtime, in my first year of college, I was in another relationship within a month.

This was a big mistake. Of course I learned a lot during this relationship; about love, life, and myself, but I jumped into this relationship way to quickly!

Companionship is a natural desire, but it is not what you need.

You may want a relationship, but what you need is much more important.

I have never found a quality relationship when I was looking for one. You know why? Because, being single is about taking care yourself not focusing on trying to find a man…It is about loving yourself; growing and becoming a stronger you.

How can you love someone else, if you do not love yourself?

The most important relationship next to your relationship with your greater power, is the one with yourself.

If you come into a relationship, broken, then you will break the other person. Hurt people, hurt people…and when someone you love hurts, you hurt too.

Although I am in a completely new and stronger relationship now, it happened when I was not searching…

If you have been single for a long time, and you are wondering why, you are on the right track. Asking yourself ‘why’ is essential to your personal growth.

Of course being single can be difficult, but so is being in a relationship…

Find a mentor or a counselor. Stop talking to your friends and family, their biases will steer you in the wrong direction because they love you…

So let go and let God! And don’t pray and worry…he will come when you are truly ready for him.

If you want a relationship, focus on yourself. Stop saying that you want a boyfriend, a girlfriend or a significant other. That special someone will come as soon as you stop searching…that is how it always happens!

Falling in Love is always accidental…

-Pinkspen

I had someone tell me to add my personal experiences to this post, so I did. We can all learn from one another…this is part of my story. I’m sure everyone has more than one story of how they met someone thay they fell in love with. LADYHOOD is a journey that never ends. Let’s  support, empower, challenge, and learn from one another. 

SINGLE

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Featured Image Source: StockSnap.io

Quote Source: Google

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Guys want your “goodies”

College 101 for Freshman Females 

From one college girl to another…

After you graduate, whether from your Undergraduate, Master’s, or both degrees like myself, you will still think about how foolish you were where relationships are concerned. 

I spent 8 years living on one college campus, first in the dorms and then off-campus in multiple apartments, and there are some things that I wish I would have known before I made simple and some major mistakes…

This is the first post of a list of rules that I plan to disclose to girls who are graduating from High School and are planning to live in college dorms, for Freshman girls already living on or off campus, and for those upperclassmen who are trapped in various relationships with guys on a college campus and don’t know how they got there.

Rule #1: Most men want your “goodies” and they will say or do anything to get it!!!!!!

I remember the first day of classes… In the middle of campus was the Student Union that hosted the main cafeteria. It was a large building of intimidation, filled with students entering and exiting in between classes. I decided to get food. As I walked into the Union, having no idea of where I was going, I decided to follow the students in front of me. As I walked up the stairwell, I see 10-15 upperclassmen sitting in booths and chairs at the top landing, and as every attractive female walked past, they would shout of various forms of flattery to guarantee her attention. 

A few girls would walk over to them and some would just smile and continue to other floors. When I reached the landing, I was greeted with the same form of flattery…I couldn’t help but smile but I continued to the cafe.

At the time, I had just turned 18, and the first month as a college freshman was filled with attention from guys. What started out with guys asking for my number, turned into “oooo girl what I got to do to get that?”

What I came to realize is that it didn’t take much. What I wish I would have been told is how good it would feel to have college guys admire my honey eyes, big butt and full figure.

We as women know all about the lines that men use to get our attention, what no one says is how to ignore this attention.

It is difficult because compliments feel so good to hear, and since all women have some form of insecurity, knowing the difference between a genuine compliment from a guy who really likes you, as opposed to the guy who just wants to “smash” or “hit that,” can be difficult.

Here is the Secret:

The secret to prevent falling for the flattery and compliments is understanding that most guys are doing and saying the same thing to every other girl on campus.

The guy that really wants to be with you, will not shout you out in front of all his friends because he wants you to himself.

He won’t tell anyone except his best friend about you.

No matter what, because you are a woman, you are special and you do not need a man to tell you or make you feel that you are.

Don’t fall for the words, wait for the actions.

-Pinkspen

Please visit College 101 for Freshman Females for the full list of rules. 

 

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Featured Image Source: StockSnap.io

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