You Bullied Me
You thought you broke me.
My heart aches for every struggling mother…
I ache for the mom who had to put aside her dreams for her children.
For the single-mom who is sick of her daughter, watching her cry; as she goes to work, pays bills, changes dirty diapers, wipes runny noses, and cooks meals, all with no help!
I don’t miss you, I miss who I thought you were.
I miss the dream…
The daydreams of you holding me tight as I fall asleep in your arms.
The romantic trips we never took.
A dream so vivid.
Hope fills my lungs,
exhaling a desire to know you.
When your betrayal is quiet, the hurt is deeper. Not quiet as in “cannot hear” or “softly” but quiet as in silent, direct pain… sobering pain… absolute truth pain, designed to break me. You creep into my heart and steal it as you fade away. A distant thought as to how I could allow myself to betray myself….neglect myself….. How could I continue to press and pull at my soul and expect it not to bury deep inside of me? You tried to take my essence, and yet I still care while you dismiss my insist, and it was mandatory. Requiring more. Deserving more. Only you are absent from the magnitude of what I gave compared to what most would. Only you can destroy the beauty around you until its decayed and rotten. I lost the desire to care, to try, to give, to see the beauty within you that is now buried inside of resentment and fear. Afraid to have happiness and joy, to advance, to elevate with me to our dream. Your nightmares have crept into our reality and it almost destroyed my ability to love again… Almost.
Love your body! Love every curve, slant, dip, dimple, and scar. Love your body to focus on your self-love. Love your body enough to feed it clean food and drink water. Love your body enough to be active. Love your body enough to meditate and do yoga.
Are you someone who gives up and quits? Is failure not an option for you? Do you try too hard? When someone hurts you, do you make them prove their love? Does your passion drive you? Can you forgive those who hurt you? Would you consider yourself a innovator? Are you a giver or a taker?
It breaks my heart that I cannot make you feel better…that I cannot take away the pain, hurt, and anger.
The roller-coaster of emotions has embedded our hearts, for I have adopted your pain.
“If you say you love me,
and you won’t let me go,