Your Self-care is Bullshit

I am so sick of the self-care bullshit. With no thanks to Instagram and all of social media, we are drowning in a sea of one type of self-care. Pretty feeds filled with images of facials, masks, bubble baths, mani’s + pedi’s, and full-face makeup with a caption that reads, “happy #selfcaresunday” or “it’s time for some #selfcare.”

PSA: pampering is not the only type of self-care there is …

One common misconception that I have heard is that self-care involves physical care only. if you search for self-care on Pinterest, Google, or Instagram, you will more than likely see pampering only. Yes pampering is a type of physical self-care activity but it is also the easiest to market. Pampering can also be easily overindugled in because it can be glamorous, pretty, and feels good. I am guilty of prioritizing pampering over other types of care.

Here are the other types of self-care you should consider:

  • social self-care
  • practical self-care
  • emotional/psychological self-care
  • physical self-care
  • spiritual self-care

To learn more these types of self-care, visit Are You Neglecting Yourself: The 6 Types of Self-care You Need.

Self-care misunderstanding

The founder of the Path of Self-love School, Chrstine Arylo, provides the medicine of self-love. One of the branches of self-love is self-care, which is “giving your mind, body, and soul what you need every day, no matter what.” Path of Self-love

The belief that “pampering myself is the same as loving myself. If I do all the ‘right’ things to take care of myself, I am loving myself.” (Christine Arylo) Here is the truth, “self-love is not something you do on ‘special occasions’ or schedule at the spa and its not a checklist” (Christine Arylo). An overindulgence in pampering can hinder your self-love journey like a wearing a bandaid for too long can hinder a wound from healing properly; you have to let it breathe eventually.

The Path of Self Love School was created as an organization and a community of teachers, guides, ambassadors and students. Our mission is to provide tools, practices, and wisdom through transformational programs and experiences, to children, young people, and adults that empower them to:

Christine Arylo, Path of Self-love

If all you are doing is pampering yourself, you are missing out on self-care.

Pampering feels good, yes, but even someone who looks like they take care of themselves on the outside; getting their nails done, makeup done, and hair done weekly, are they are pouring that same attention to giving themselves what they need on the inside?


  • things you have to do but don’t necessarily always want to do
  • can be difficult at times
  • without it you would not be well (mental health, physical health, emotional health)
  • is mental/psychological, physical, spiritual, emotional/psychological, and social


  • things you always want to do
  • always easy
  • always fun + enjoyable
  • without it you would be fine
  • outer “beauty”
  • if you did it all the time, the social, emotional, physical, mental/psychological, and spiritual struggles that you have would still be neglected

If you are reading this and you have a revelation that I am describing your truth and definition of self-care, it may be time to check in with your heart and reevaluate how you are taking care of you. Are you diving deeper into your level of care? Is your care broad and not only based on the physical? Does your self-care always feel good? Is your self-care always fun and enjoyable?

There is nothing wrong with pampering as long as it is not OVERINDULGENCE AND replacing the other types of self-care.

Often times, self-care is doing those things that we do not necessarily want to do but we know we have to do them to be well, to have nourishment physically, mentally, and spiritually, and so that we are not emotionally drained and overworked.

Please understand that I paint my nails, I wear makeup (not daily), and I love going to the nail salon and getting a pedicure, but I also give myself the nourishment that I need to sustain my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual body.

Self-care Truth

Self-care is more than what you want, it’s what your mind, body, and soul needs to be well. A massage, whether given to yourself or by someone else is something that is physically and mentally stimulating and allows your muscles to relax. We all need relaxation but you do not need nail polish on your nails. Brushing your teeth, cutting your nails; washing, cleaning, and moisturizing your skin are requirements in order to maintain hygienic wellness but putting on makeup does nothing beneficial for your skin.

Join my #nomakeupmondays movement by joining my Facebook support group, Healing Over Everyhting (H.O.E.) or by posting a selfie wearing no makeup every Monday on social media; make sure to tag me and use the hashtag.

Ta’lor Pinkston, The Heart Advocate

Pampering is not the only type of physical care you can priortize and it does not replace the other types of self-care you need as well.

Take an assessment of your self-care by asking yourself the following questions:

Are you giving your body what it wants more than what it needs?

Are you giving your mind and your soul what it needs to be nourished or are you only going surface deep in your self-care?

How much time do you spend pampering your body compared to nourishing your body?

Do you prioritize more than one type of self-care?

I am here for your heart.

-Ta’lor L. Pinkston, The Heart Advocate

17 thoughts on “Your Self-care is Bullshit

  1. Damn, this is good stuff, Ta’lor! I never thought of it this way, but what you’re saying makes so much sense and I see why it’s important for us to note the difference between pampering and self-care. Thank you for sharing such powerful insights through this blog!

    1. Thank you Kelly for reading. It means so much to me that you see the value in this discussion. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

    1. Thank you Queen! I so appreciate you and your love + support. You speak truth about the maintenance.

  2. I absolutely love this. The point o view you wrote it from is so intriguing – I never thought to look at self care this way, I definitely will be now on.

    1. YES YES YESSSSS! Thank you for having such an open mind and heart . I am so here for it! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me

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