Your Self-care is Bullshit

I am so sick of the self-care bullshit. With no thanks to Instagram and all of social media, we are drowning in a sea of fake ass self-care. Pretty feeds filled with images of facials, bubble baths (relaxation is self-care, but can you at least take a detox bath?), mani’s + pedi’s, and full-face makeup with a caption that reads, “happy #selfcaresunday” or “it’s time for some #selfcare.”

PSA: pampering is NOT self-care!

One common misconception that I have heard is that, “self-care looks different for everyone.” Yes sis, it’s true that there are different types of self-care:

  • social self-care
  • practical self-care
  • emotional/psychological self-care
  • physical self-care
  • spiritual self-care

Self-care does look differently for everyone because we are all different and have different needs. On every self-care list on Pinterest, Google, and Instagram I am constantly shaking my damn head because there are specific things that should never be categorized as self-care because they are in fact, pampering.

Pamper or Self-care quiz

Let’s take a little quiz … On this list, there are 5 items that are self-care and 5 items that are pampering activities. Do you know which ones fall under what category?

  • a facial
  • painting your nails + toes
  • a detox bath
  • brushing your teeth
  • dying your hair

You can find the results to this quiz by continuing to read ….

  • getting makeup done
  • moisturizing your skin
  • cutting your nails
  • botox + lip fillers
  • washing your face + body

we have lost the true meaning of self-care

The founder of the Path of Self-love School, Chrstine Arylo, provides the medicine of self-love. One of the branches of self-love is self-care, which is “giving your mind, body, and soul what you need every day, no matter what.” Path of Self-love

The Path of Self Love School was created as an organization and a community of teachers, guides, ambassadors and students. Our mission is to provide tools, practices, and wisdom through transformational programs and experiences, to children, young people, and adults that empower them to:

Christine Arylo, Path of Self-love

Self-care misunderstanding

The belief that “pampering myself is the same as loving myself. If I do all the ‘right’ things to take care of myself, I am loving myself.” (Christine Arylo) Here is the truth, “self-love is not something you do on ‘special occasions’ or schedule at the spa and its not a checklist” (Christine Arylo). An overindulgence in pampering can hinder your self-love journey like a wearing a bandaid for too long can hinder a wound from healing properly; you have to let it breathe eventually.

If all you are doing is pampering yourself, and calling it self-care, you are missing out on an amazing branch of self-love that we all need.

Pampering feels good, yes, but even someone who looks like they take care of themselves on the outside; getting their nails done, makeup done, and hair done weekly, are they are pouring that same attention to giving themselves what they need on the inside?

Self-care vs. Pampering

Self-care

  • things you have to do but don’t necessarily always want to do
  • can be difficult at times
  • without it you would not be well (mental health, physical health, emotional health)
  • is mental/psychological, physical, spiritual, emotional/psychological, and social

Pampering

  • things you always want to do
  • always easy
  • always fun + enjoyable
  • without it you would be fine
  • outer “beauty”
  • if you did it all the time, the social, emotional, physical, mental/psychological, and spiritual struggles that you have would still be neglected

If you are reading this and you have a revelation that I am describing your truth and definition of self-care, it may be time to check in with your heart and reevaluate how you are taking care of you. Are you diving deeper into your level of care? Is your care broad and not only based on the physical? Does your self-care always feel good? Is your self-care always fun and enjoyable?

There is nothing wrong with pampering as long as it is not OVERINDULGENCE AND replacing your self-care.

Often times, self-care is doing those things that we do not necessarily want to do but we know we have to do them to be well, to have nourishment physically, mentally, and spiritually, and so that we are not emotionally drained and overworked.

Here are the results of the Pamper or Self-care Quiz you took earlier. Everything that is self-care is in BOLD lettering.

Pamper or Self-care Quiz Results:

  • a facial
  • painting your nails + toes
  • a detox bath
  • brushing your teeth
  • dying your hair

How many did you have that were actually self-care?

  • get makeup done
  • moisturizing your skin
  • cutting your nails
  • botox + lip fillers
  • washing your face + body

Note: Taking baths are great; we all need relaxation, but try expanding your self-care experience by adding other forms of self-care to your bath taking experience, like meditation, reading, or making that bath into a detox bath and remove the toxins from your body. Get creative.

Please understand that I paint my nails, I wear makeup (not daily), and I love going to the nail salon and getting a pedicure, but I also give myself the nourishment that I need to sustain my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual body.

Self-care Truth

self-care is not glamorous

Self-care is more than what you want, it’s what your mind, body, and soul needs to be well. A massage, whether given to yourself or by someone else is something that is physically and mentally stimulating and allows your muscles to relax. We all need relaxation but you do not need nail polish on your nails. Brushing your teeth, cutting your nails; washing, cleaning, and moisturizing your skin are requirements in order to maintain hygienic wellness but putting on makeup does nothing beneficial for your skin.

Join my #nomakeupmondays movement by joining my Facebook support group, The H.O.E. Truth or by posting a selfie wearing no makeup every Monday on social media; make sure to tag me and use the hashtag.

Ta’lor Pinkston, The Heart Advocate

The difference between self-care and pampering is need versus want. Ask yourself, are you giving your body what it wants more than what it needs? Are you giving your mind and your soul what it needs to be nourished or are you only going surface deep in your self-care? How much time do you spend pampering your body compared to nourishing your body?


If you want to learn more about how to actively apply self-care to your lifestyle, visit my Heart Advocate program Rebrand My Heart: Choosing Self-love and begin nourishing your mind, body, and soul and make sure to follow me on Facebook Ta’lor L. Pinkston and Instagram @theheartadvocate for all your self-love needs.

13 thoughts on “Your Self-care is Bullshit

    1. Thank you Queen! I so appreciate you and your love + support. You speak truth about the maintenance.

  1. I absolutely love this. The point o view you wrote it from is so intriguing – I never thought to look at self care this way, I definitely will be now on.

    1. YES YES YESSSSS! Thank you for having such an open mind and heart . I am so here for it! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me

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