The choices of my past scare me. They scare me because I worry I will repeat painful cycles.
There is a desperation inside of me to create a new definition for my life.
Self-doubt often invades my heart to the point I feel incapable. If I made a poor choice in the past, I beat myself up instead of reminding myself that I am perfectly imperfect.
Why? Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we allow fear, insecurity, and self-doubt to overshadow our growth?
- Fear of the future
- Insecure about abilities
- Being afraid to fail
- A lack of self-forgiveness
- Caring what others think
- Getting too comfortable/settling
These are all factors that many of us struggle with and can cause us to doubt ourselves. I have moments where I get anxious about not being where I want to be in life instead of meeting myself where I am.
Finding ways to overcome and defy my self-doubt helps me to tackle self-awareness which is an important aspect in self-love. (Read more about the steps in Self-love on my post Self-love Begins with Self-care)
I am constantly reminding myself that I have so much to be proud of. I try to focus on gratitude at all times, but it’s takes facing my doubt head on, which hurts.
There is pain in my self-love.
Self-doubt is not something I run away from. I must run toward it and remind myself that I am exactly where I need to be at this moment in time.
- My doubt is only a barrier
- Any failure is a lesson not a defeat
- My faith should overpower my fear
I am more than my past.
In moments where I am feeling fearful of the future, insecure about my status, and doubtful of my capabilities, here are 5 things that I do to defy my self-doubt:
1. Prayers Up 🙏🏽
Prayer, just like self-love is not always pretty. When we are struggling, feeling insecure and doubtful, most often we turn to unhealthy remedies to cure our pain. Praying has helped me channel my negative vibes on the one who loves me most, God.
2. Tribe Vibes
In the past when I was at a low moment, I would isolate myself from everyone. Transparency was not something that was a value to me. Being transparent in my pain gives me an elevated confidence. Having a tribe of mentors, family and friends, and a community to share my doubts with has brought me closer toward healing.
Today I affirm: I deserve to be surrounded by those who love and support me.
By not hiding in my hurt and disclosing my pain to the people who are closest to me, I am reminded that we are so much more powerful when we lean on others.
3. Music Lover 🎶
One of my favorite quotes is “At times I fit into lyrics more than I fit into life.” For me, that is most of the time. I am able to connect with song lyrics in a way that has always been impactful to my mood.
When I put my daughter to sleep, you can find me in my living room with the lights off, listening to artists who uplift and inspire like Jessie Reyez, Kehlani, and Alessia Cara.If you are feeling insecure, lonely, and doubtful, please listen to “Bright” by Kehlani. https://youtu.be/qEnXFLsoBxA
4. Write it Out ✍🏽
Writing in my journals has been a part of my life since grade school. It has always been a positive self-care practice that has stuck with me and.When I write down my pain I am being transparent with myself. Writing also allows me to look back on where I was in another time in my life. I can always go back a re-read my words to help me reflect on where I have grown and where I still need to heal.
Healing Over Everything 🙌🏽
Gratitude journals, success logs, positive affirmations, and writing down inspirational lyrics and poetry are all therapeutic ways to help you defy your doubt.
5. Positive Vibes Only
When I am feeling doubtful, it’s the little things that help to get me out of my funk.
We all have those things that immediately make us joyful. For me, my daughters smile, dancing in my living-room, girls night, singing in my shower, taking a detox tea baths, and meditation 🧘🏾♀️ are some of my favorite activities that give me positive vibes.
Lately, I have been watching preachers, artists and poets on YouTube who deliver inspiring messages. Below are 3 of my favorite YouTube videos that have helped me in times of self-doubt:
- Pastor Michael Todd of the Transformation Church, speaks about the truth behind Relationship Goals which is giving our sexuality to God (to watch all 8 videos click HERE)
- Poet Jae Nichelle an undergraduate at Tulane University in New Orleans who is giving life to the reality of anxiety in her poem “Friends With Benefits.” (Subscribe to Jae’s YouTube page HERE)
- Award Winning Actor, Artist, and Public Speaker Will Smith has been talking about Failure for sometime, but this short clip sums up how we all need to look at failure instead of being afraid of it. (Subscribe to Will Smith on YouTube HERE)
My journey is my own, but I believe that when we are transparent in our self-love and share the beauty and the pain of our truth, we grow stronger together.
Share your hurt. Reflect on your past. Don’t hold yourself to unrealistic standards. Be grateful. Live your truth. Be transparent in your pain. Make the time to do things to take care of you.
It’s impossible to never have doubts but learning what YOU must do to DEFY your SELF-DOUBT; to learn what helps you push forward and not fall back into toxic habits, this is what makes you stronger in your doubt.