How could I allow that shit?
How the fuck could I allow you to come into my space, to come to my place, and come into my bed?
How could I allow it?
Was it dumb blind love? No, I wasn’t blind…
Was it the need for attention?
Was it the loneliness?
Could I get so fucking low that I allow just anyone in my bed?
I allowed someone who didn’t love me to come in between me learning to love me.
How the fuck could I get so low?
Did my self-worth become nonexistent?
Did every value fade into the distance?
Who was that chick?
It’s like I don’t know her…
I certainly don’t want to be her.
It’s like I can’t see her…
I can’t wrap my head around what the fuck she allowed; what she would allow due to loneliness.
I constantly ponder how did I get here, but I know, it was me.
It’s what I allowed.
It’s what I gave into.
It’s what I had no regard of stopping, preventing, or trying to overcome, because I wanted to be in love more than I wanted to know my worth.
I guess any bullshit love would do…
I allowed you to come in the door, in my space, in my bed, in my heart, in my body, in my life entire life, even when you told me it was not me who you saw yourself getting down on a bended knee…
But now I see.
No longer allowing toxins to embed in my inner most being.