“If only I … lost some weight… was prettier… was younger…”
Beauty is within. You have to stop believing media lies that tell you beauty is about what you look like. Popular culture shows us what they think we should consider beauty, but the essence of a person is within them.
Looks fade… we all will age eventually, and you will want to be someone who loves you for everything you are, without looks. If a man does not want to be with you based off of your looks, then you do not want to be with a man like him. Love yourself, flaws and all!
Here are a list of things single-women and women in toxic-broken relationships say to themselves and how you can overcome self-doubt:
How could anyone ever love me!
Everyone deserves love, but you have to love yourself first. Self-love is the first step to having a healthy relationship, otherwise you go into the relationship broken and you break the one you love.
If you are struggling with confidence, do some self-care or self-love activities to boost your confidence in yourself. Make a list of the things you love about yourself. Complete daily breathing exercises. Take a bath! Find the time to do things for yourself, outside of being a relationship so you can determine your worth. Love yourself first!
I deserve this! or It’s my fault!
So many of us say this to ourselves, (I know I have) for various reasons…when you get cheated on… when we get dumped… in physical, sexual, and/or emotionally abusive relationships. We tell ourselves that it is our fault! No one deserves to be cheated on, lied to, hit, talked down to… You deserve to be treated like a queen!
I will never be good enough…
Knowing your worth is the first step to any healthy relationship. If you are not healthy, you will not have a healthy relationship. If you do not know your worth, no one will!
He will never marry me…
If you think your man is never going to marry you, he probably won’t. That takes acceptance. As women, we are taught from childhood to believe in the fairy tale ending that we see in every Disney movie. We desire to live Happily Ever After… sometimes, even the man of your dreams is not your happy ending. Doubting your thoughts can keep you in a relationship for years…waiting for a ring that you may never get. One thing I know about men (not boys) is when they want something, they make sure they get it! If he wants to marry you, he will and you will know!
I am going to die alone!
This is such a morbid statement and so many of us have used it. We say the most horrific things to ourselves… Do you really think you are not worth spending the rest of your life with. Anyone would be happy to be with you until death do you part. Being alone is seen as such a negative thing, when it is the time to focus on yourself. Being in a relationship, right now, is not what you need, or you would be in one. What you need is to find your worth…to love yourself…appreciate yourself and see all that you are.
I can change him/them!
NO YOU CAN’T! You cannot change anyone! We are placed in each others lives to plant seeds. To show someone an alternative, but changing is an individual task. Maya Angelou said it best:
Staying with someone because you think that what you do will change them, is the biggest mistake we make in relationships. Leave them! Then you will see if they are willing to change to be with you. Demand what you need in a relationship and you will get it. If they can’t give you what you deserve, then they do not deserve you!