a love on repeat…

Beg…?
Plead…?
I pray constantly…

…for you.

I pray for me.
…for us!

So many tears shed…
Nights spent, lying awake with swollen eyes.
Days to weeks…weeks to months…months to years…
Trying…

Hoping for a change…
Hoping to look up, and one day it will be better…
Different… but the pain repeats.

So, I continue to beg…
Plead…
Pray…

I just know that one day it will be, destiny…
All smiles.
No fear.
No pain.
No more waiting…
…wondering…
…needing more…

…repeat.

I Beg…
I Plead…
I Pray …
…For us!
I yearn for a heart of joy…
To be complete in our love…
To be wanted…
To be desired…
…seen for all that I am…

…for all that have become…

…for who I will be.

Strong, Passionate, and Loving…
With a heart that pounds for what we could be…
For our love…
Our family…
Our future…
Our life…


Poem Clarification:

I wrote this poem in 5 minutes…

My heart was broken, and I realized that I was repeating the same actions…having the same conversations, yet expecting a different result in the healthiness of my relationship. Relationships are difficult…they can be hard to maintain… after many years in the same relationship, it is easy to see your significant other, only one way. But, in reality, we change constantly. We are always growing… wanting more or less… life makes us need different things in our relationships and it is up to your significant other to understand this and love you through all aspects.

It can be so difficult to express how we feel when we are speaking to a loved one, because we have so many emotions invested, and we forget all we wanted to say as soon as we look at them, because we love them.

I was done talking. So, I decided to do something different. I decided to say everything that I would say to someone else, to the person I love, not verbally, I wrote it down and as I began to write, the words became poetic… broken thoughts, all carrying the same meaning:

I find that, when I write how I feel, instead of focusing on my initial reaction, I am able to get better understanding. It is important to me to always aim to be the best version of myself. There are things that work at one point in time, that no longer do. The older I get, I am noticing that my tolerance for dissatisfaction is limited. My patience is changing and understanding that what I deserve vs. what I want, clash at times, and it takes a strong person to determine how to handle this reality.

For now, I choose to write!

12 thoughts on “a love on repeat…

  1. This is great!!! I think at times we put others first that’s why at times we get scared to say what we have in mind at that moment because we get worried about their feelings.

    1. That is exactly what I was thinking while I was writing. Even through the mistakes I made in my relationship, I know that I am a growing, maturing individual with a lot of love to give, and I deserve just the same. I just wanted to write exactly what I would say, about how I felt, if I was talking to my girl. You speak truth girl. Thank you for reading!

  2. Well said! I think it is far too easy to hinder our loved ones from growing and changing, just as it is easy to stay in ruts of complacency living our lives as who they know us to be, not as who we want to become. For me I realized that several years ago when I too had a pretty gnarly breakup. But then I realized that I wasn’t allowing him to grow and he was stifling my ability to grow as well (unintentionally, but still). This was no good for either one of us. Now, I am happily married to my prince charming, but we still always challenge and encourage one another to go. We have both grown in so many ways and it is just part of the life process. When we do this, we can also learn to not just love each other for who we are right now, but also learn to love each other as we grow and change over the years. Rather beautiful really. Ok, enough with my ramblings. I just really enjoyed reading your poem. Have a wonderful day! 🙂

    1. Oh….I love the ramblings!!! lol… It can be so hard to let go of a relationship because you just want it to work out so badly….but sometimes, you are right, you have to end it. I am fighting for my relationship because I feel that it is worth the battle, but some times, you just got to “Let it Burn” as Usher would say… Its easier said than done but, I am glad to hear that it worked out for you. I pray things will work out for me as well.
      Thank you so much for checking out my post! I appreciate it entirely! You have a wonderful day as well!

      1. Oh good! 🙂 and keep up the good fight! Choose love and I will be praying for you guys too! And hey, thanks for checking my blog out as well. It is much appreciated! Have a beautiful day!

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