“I need to be in a relationship.”
Every time someone says these words, it just shows that “a relationship” is the last thing they need… (don’t get mad, just listen)
In 2007, I graduated high school. I was in a relationship that was slowly falling apart. I remember being at a welcome event on campus in the gymnasium with my friends. We were seated in the middle of about 60 rows of seats. I turned around, and there was this guy walking in late at the back of the room and I honestly just stared at him. Later on that day, there was a meet-and-greet for the Black Student Union on campus, and I saw him sitting outside in the quad with another freshman female. They were sitting really close together, so I assumed they were involved in some way. I continued to mingle and get to know students on campus at the event. Somehow, he ended up standing next to me as I stood in a group of friends, talking, so of course I said hello. We exchanged pleasantries, and after talking and laughing for a bit, I could tell he was interested but I didn’t forget that he was just all “booed up” with another girl a few minutes ago and I was in a relationship. Over the course of the next few weeks, I continued to see him. He would be outside of the Student Union on campus, at the gas station; I would see him driving his car, walking down the street, at the gym; he was everywhere. My boyfriend and I were not in a good place. I was young, and I needed a drama free life, so our relationship ended. Now that I was single for the first time on a college campus I wanted to enjoy that life. I went out with my girls and went to every house party I could. One night, while at a party, as I danced in a circle with my girls, I saw him standing in the corner with his boys and I got super bold and walked over to him and we conversed for a while. The party ended with the police shutting it down, and of course, there he was to save my life. He drove me back to my dorm and we exchanged numbers. I had never expected a relationship of any kind, because I was trying to be single, but overtime, in my first year of college, I was in another relationship within a month.
This was a big mistake. Of course I learned a lot during this relationship; about love, life, and myself, but I jumped into this relationship way to quickly!
Companionship is a natural desire, but it is not what you need.
You may want a relationship, but what you need is much more important.
I have never found a quality relationship when I was looking for one. You know why? Because, being single is about taking care yourself not focusing on trying to find a man…It is about loving yourself; growing and becoming a stronger you.
How can you love someone else, if you do not love yourself?
The most important relationship next to your relationship with your greater power, is the one with yourself.
If you come into a relationship, broken, then you will break the other person. Hurt people, hurt people…and when someone you love hurts, you hurt too.
Although I am in a completely new and stronger relationship now, it happened when I was not searching…
If you have been single for a long time, and you are wondering why, you are on the right track. Asking yourself ‘why’ is essential to your personal growth.
Of course being single can be difficult, but so is being in a relationship…
Find a mentor or a counselor. Stop talking to your friends and family, their biases will steer you in the wrong direction because they love you…
So let go and let God! And don’t pray and worry…he will come when you are truly ready for him.
If you want a relationship, focus on yourself. Stop saying that you want a boyfriend, a girlfriend or a significant other. That special someone will come as soon as you stop searching…that is how it always happens!
Falling in Love is always accidental…
I had someone tell me to add my personal experiences to this post, so I did. We can all learn from one another…this is part of my story. I’m sure everyone has more than one story of how they met someone thay they fell in love with. LADYHOOD is a journey that never ends. Let’s support, empower, challenge, and learn from one another.
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