Have Self-Control over who you let in your bed…

College 101 for Freshman Females 

I have spent a lot of time wishing that I had more self-control when I was in college…

Women love to declare our desire to live our lives the way we want to. We all say it, and even songs proclaim us to be women who are in control of our own lives…

“Who run the world? Girls!” -Beyoncé Knowles

“I am superwoman, yes I am” -Alicia Keys

“all the woman who independent, throw your hands up at me” – Destiny’s Child

“R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me” -Aretha Franklin

“I came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive. I came to win, to survive, to prosper, to rise, to fly.”  Nicki Minaj ft. Rihanna

I feel that this proclamation of control is a myth  considering what we give in to with guys…

We need to have control over ourselves and who we allow in our beds.

I am not alone when I say that I have let some men have, not only my heart, but my body as well, even when there was nothing about him that deserved either.

Yeah, he had a flawless smile, with eyes that would literally make your panties drop, and he spoke the words that any girl who was a little heartbroken, lonely, in love with the attention (let’s be honest), and with a little alcohol in her system, would fall for.

We have the right to give in to our basic humanistic urges but, often times, we wake up the next morning feeling a lack of satisfaction, emptiness, and regret.

Self-control in intimate relationships, can alter the way you a treated, even in a friends with benefits relationships, and I realize this now.

Rule #14: HAVE SELF-CONTROL OVER WHO YOU LET IN YOUR BED! Do not have a sleep over just to have some company!

When it comes to our sexuality, we as women have a lot of power that we are unaware of…

Often times, if a guy calls a girl to get some, he is more likely to be turned down, then if a girl calls a guy to get some…most guys would reply with a resounding YES!

And yet, the way we take care of our intimacy tends to be filled with our need to not be alone… (most females will never admit this).

I know that some will read this and think, men do this all the time, and we as women should be able to have a one-night-stand just like they can. This is true, but overtime, in most cases, we become attached because it is difficult not to fall for someone you are sleeping with! (real talk)

What Aretha Franklin, Beyoncé, Nicki Minaj and Alicia Keys sing/rap about, is to demand respect, have self-control, and know what we want as women.

In this male dominated society, men have the upper hand culturally. There has yet to be a female President, for example. Men like James Brown who sang, “this is a mans world…” knew that that men would not allow women to control society, due to the typical male ego. But, he then proclaimed “but it wouldn’t be nothing, nothing, without a woman or a girl,” because he also knew that women are the driven factor for men to have the control that they do.

Why else do men drive fast cars…?

Wear the best clothing…?

Get their hair cut, or even take a shower…? They do it all for women.

And we do the same thing as women. We are all trying to be noticed, accepted, and appreciated…to fit in.


But, men and women are not the same, we are different and our differences need to be viewed equally.

There are things that women can do, that men can’t… like, give birth to a child!

There are things that men can do, that women can’t… like, have a friends with benefits relationship overtime, without becoming emotionally attached!


So,take control of what is not easily controlled, but can be, which is ultimately protecting your heart, feelings, and emotions! Protect yourself as a woman, including the most intimate part of you!

Stop letting men say anything to you!

You are a queen and should be treated as such, but you have to treat yourself like a queen first.

Stop letting men take you to their beds before they show you your worth to them; most men will say and do anything to get in those jeans.

Demand chivalry, and you will get it.

Gaining true control over who we allow in our beds is a battle within the individual and easier said than done. It took years for me to understand and adapt into my new thought process.

My lack of understanding, my self-worth, and self-love, held me back in my relationships, but it shaped who I am and made me a better woman.


 Please visit College 101 for Freshman Females for the full list of rules. 



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